gretchen*

Tue, 27 Jul 2004 17:03:32 GMT

i've found piece of mind
i'm feeling good again
on the other side
back among the living
ain't a cloud in the sky
all my tears have been cried
and i can finally say..
baby...baby stay
stay right where you are
i like it this way
it's good for my heart
i haven't felt like this..
in god knows how long..
i know everythings going to be ok
if you just stay gone

Sat, 05 Apr 2003 16:14:34 GMT

geez..

it's been nearly a month since i last updated this.. but i'm alive an kicking.. despite a trip in an ambulance and a 4 day hospital stay..

i think i'm moving to Arizona sometime this summer.. or whenever it's workable. i spoke to my Aunt last night and she was the one who brought it up. i really want and need to be around family. i adore my Aunt, so it's not a hard decision to want to be near her. plus my sister will be attending school in Phoneix, {at least that's what she has told me..} so i'll have her within a hundred mile radius too..
we'll see.. we'll see..

i have things to do and school work to catch up on..
more later if i feel like it.. or if this headache that's threatening to become a migraine subsides..

Fri, 07 Mar 2003 16:16:41 GMT

alrighty.. shall we list the days? sure.. why the heck not..

monday:.. nothing grand happened.. in fact, i don't even remember what i did on monday.. haha.. aside from school and that stuff..

tuesday:.. haha. tuesday.. i went to school to work in the library for a while.. then when i left.. oi vey.. i was crossing the street and this lady wasn't paying attention.. and basically she hit moi. she was only going a few miles an hour.. but i clearly had the right of way.. she knocked me on my ass and i have a couple of cuts.. and a few bruises.. but i'm alrighty.. woohah. very interesting day.. i hurt my right foot really badly, though.. but it took like 3 days for it to swell.. so i dunno what's going on with it or how exactly i hurt it..

wendesday:.. did the whole school thing.. then later that evening Jonathan and i went downtown.. crazy evening.. it was fun. basically i didn't get home until nearly 6 am.. we ended up at this bar on Church St. called Hogs & Honeys or something like that.. interesting place.. it had a riding bull and what not in it. by the time we walked out of the bar we both had fake tattoo's on our arms saying Hogs & Honeys Orlando and we'd made new friends at the bar that wouldn't stop trying to hook me up with their friend. but.. uh.. i got a drink outta showing my nipple rings.. so i'm not bitching.. i had fun, though.. i got tipsy, but not bad tipsy.. then we went back to Jonathan's and drank wine out in the hot tub.. theeeeeen.. haha.. we went out in search of a lake to walk around.. and ended up ALL the way over by the Florida Mall.. and yadda yadda.. it was an interesting drive.. to say the least.. so we actually ended up back downtown and sat out by Lake Lucerne. which i've done before.. heh.. and then we went home..

thursday:.. i slept until like 5 when Heather called.. eep. i was tired. =o( that's really about the extent of what i did..
oiiiiii.. plus i think i got a job as a hostess at the Ale House. woohah for moi. it should be fun. =o) i really, really wanted to serve, but the manager said that most people who start out hostessing usually move on up to servers, so that's cool..

today:.. i cannot walk properly, so i didn't go to school.. i'd rather find out what's the matter with my foot before i do too much serious walking around and stuff.. i dun wanna hurt it more.. =o( so i think i'm gonna have to head to the doctor today. i'm a wreck.. =o(

Wed, 05 Mar 2003 16:10:43 GMT

When the lights go down
He'll be filling a pan with the broom in his hand
In some dive across town
He'll be wiping the bar and mopping the floor
Countin’ his tips and locking the doors
Wrestling the devil that tells him to pour another round
When the lights go down

She'll be callin’ her friends from her Mercedes Benz
But it's too late now
They were there for the fame, the flash, and the thrill
The drop of the name, the parties, the pills
As another star falls from the Hollywood hills without a sound

When the lights go down
And there's nothing left to be
When the lights go down
And the truth is all you see
When you feel that hole inside your soul
You wonder what you're made of
well, we all find out
When the lights go down

When the lights go down
At the end of the day when this game that I play
has gone another round
As I lay there alone in this big empty bed
With nothing but thoughts of you in my head
I think of the things that I wish I had said
When you were still around

When the lights go down, yeah
And there's nothing left to be
When the lights go down
And the truth is all you see
And I wonder if all my life's about the sum
Of all my fears and all my doubts
Yeah, when the lights go down

When the lights go down, ooh
And there's nothing left to be
When the light go down, yeah
And the truth is all you see
When you feel that hole inside your soul
You wonder what you’re made of
Well we all find out
When the lights go down

Ooh, when the lights go down

Tue, 04 Mar 2003 17:32:03 GMT

so last night i decided i wanted to watch the tape that has Tanner and i on it.. along with everyone else.. instead of laughing like i normally would have.. i almost started to cry. i noticed things on the tape that i hadn't ever noticed before.
alright.. Tanner would only call me princess if we had been drinking or something of that nature.. he would never call me princess if we were sober.. so, there's this one part of the video where he's trying to tell me something and he calls me princess.. i had never noticed that before.. then there's a part on the tape where Jessica is telling Brandon that he's pussy whipped over Abra.. and Brandon is totally denying it saying that he's not Abra's bitch.. so Jessica says..{don't quote me.. it's something along these lines..} yeah, i know.. you're just pussy whipped.. you don't do the things that Tanner does for Gretchen..
theeeeeeeeen.. haha.. even though i already knew this part existed... Jessica goes on to tell Tanner and i that we make her sick because we're too damn happy. then Charles says it's because he's from Atlanta and i'm from Walla Walla and we don't know any different.. we get attached easily.. and we're not into that "ghetto just fucking on the side and not seeing each other during the day thing".. apparently that's the in thing now..? anyways.. it just made me sad.. because i truly was happy with him. i know life goes on.. and i'm not trying to dwell in the past.. it's just weird. as Forrest would say.."why are you trippin' on a guy who isn't even thinking about you?" haha.. i'm not trippin'.. i'm just reliving.. as i do every night before i go to sleep. as if losing him wasn't bad enough.. i like to beat myself up over it..
but life goes on.
i'm still breathing..
i don't hold any false hope about him and i.
what's meant to be will be.. and perhaps it's just not in the cards.. and so be it. there isn't a damn thing i can do about that and dwelling on it.. or holding out for him.. pfft.. screw that.. i just hate that in so many different ways i still miss him..

i need to go take a shower and run some errands..
enough of this..

Sat, 01 Mar 2003 03:56:31 GMT

alrighty.. i suppose it's time for an update of sorts.. not that my life is very interesting or anything..

i got my Mother's package.. she wasn't kidding when she told me it weighed close to 10 lbs. good lord! but she sent me all sorts of neat-o things. soaps, lotions, creams, bath bombs, shower gel.. you name it.. she sent it.. but i love those sorts of things, so it's all gravy baby..

you guys already know how un-pretty tuesday night was for me.. so we'll move right along to wendnesday.. after my hung over had pretty much worn off Amy came over and we hung out in my room for a while and just talked.. then we decided to go for a wee little drive.. we actually ended up in Winter Park at some lake that had a pier. it was crazy.. but it was so, so pretty out at that time of night. i think we drove around for like 45 minutes. it was crazy. we actually ditched some guys that kept starring at us.. {long story..it was hillarious, though.. kinda one of those you had to be there things, though..} i pretty much came home and went straight to bed after we finally went back to her apartment and hung out for a while.. i didn't do a damn thing worth while yesterday.. and then today.. blah.. i'm ready for bed already. ha. i'm boring.. it's fantastic.

for some odd reason i feel like this journal entry doesn't make a bit of sense. it probably doesn't.. it just goes to prove that i need to go to bed.. ha..

Fri, 28 Feb 2003 20:00:50 GMT

i'm pretty when i'm drunk.

that is all.

i'll update more later..
yes, yes.. as if you all can't wait to hear how routine and repetitive my life has been the past few days..
muwahaha..
but seriously..
this is all..

Wed, 26 Feb 2003 12:44:11 GMT

..i..think..i'm..gonna..die..

i'm hungover as all hell.
last night was not pretty and looking at this bright neon orange wrist band that says Roxy on it is making my tummy hurt all over again.. fuck them and their $10 all you can drink.. too bad i didn't get to take as much advantage of that as i should have. dammit to all hell.. that's what i get for taking like 7 shots before we even left the house..

oh, god.. i'm having flash backs..
this is not pretty..
and i'm going back to bed..

i'll update this later, yo..

Sat, 22 Feb 2003 06:14:14 GMT

aww..
i talked to drew today.. {an ex from high school..}
and i told him that i'd more than likely be in Washington at some point in April and in the cutest voice ever he asked if he'd get to see me.. and of course i told him he could if he wanted to.. i just love the way he asked me that.. all cute and innocent like..

i talked to my Madre today, too.. i had to ask her medical advice.. haha.. i scratched my right eye with my contact lens and my vision was cloudy, so i needed to know what i should do.. i don't wanna go blind, yo.. i think i'm gonna have to stick to wearing my glasses for a few days.. until my eye starts to feel better. i've cut it before.. and it's not a pleasant thing. having contacts is a pain in the ass sometimes.
my Mom's package arrived today.. but because no one was home and they needed someone to sign for it i'll have to wait until tomorrow to get it. =o( dammit!

we stopped at Amy's house for a few minutes today.. er.. yesterday.. dammit for being after midnight.. and i do believe i'm gonna be laying out on Cocoa beach come sunday. which is probably NOT what my skin needs at this point. even when i don't mean to get burned i do.. rawr..

i have a terrible headache.. one that's bordering on a migrane.. and looking at this screen really isn't helping me out too much.

haha.. now for the dumbass report.. and me being the dumbass that i am.. well.. i wasn't exactly paying much attention to the sidewalk while i was walking to school and basically tripped on an uneven part and guess what i landed on? a freaking broken beer bottle. of all things to be laying on a side walk.. some peoples kids i tell you.. so a piece of glass cut my arm and for the longest time i felt like i had a piece of it stuck in my leg, but it was too small for me to find. it just kept on stinging. luckily the cut on my arm is rather small.. but it bled quite a bit. i was pretty shocked. but i learned my lesson.. no more la la land for me while i'm trying to walk.

a guy from one of my classes called me today.. and he asked if i wanted to go to Tampa overnight and go to the beach tomorrow.. i told him that i more than likely couldn't go.. {frankly, i don't know the guy very well and there's no way in hell i'm gonna spend the night in Tampa with someone who's intentions i'm not so sure about..} and after that he said.. well fuck it.. and then he said good bye and before he hung up the phone he said "fuck you, too.." i don't know if he thought i'd hung up already or not, but i found that to be rather rude and uncalled for. see if i ever talk to that kid in class again.. geez..

anyways.. enough of this noise..

Fri, 21 Feb 2003 12:41:54 GMT

it's foggy as all hell outside. strange, strange..

i was in bed and alseep by 9 p.m. last night. i'm a rather boring person. but i was tired, so it was nice. i still feel the need to crawl back into bed, though. perhaps i will.. i still have a couple of hours before class.

haha.. my sister, Heather called last night and one of the first things she asked was how to get to Pleasant St. from where she was.. i thought it was funny.. since i don't even live in Walla Walla anymore.. but i was mighty suprised that i actually remembered how to get there.. i guess the town isn't fading from my memory as much as i thought it was.

i laid out again yesterday. it looks like today is going to be too shitty for any sun action, though. but perhaps that's a good thing. it'll give my skin some time to rest. the weatherman did say it was supposed to be 82 today, though. perhaps the fog is just a temporary thing. i'm not looking forward to how hot it's going to be this summer. especially with how hot it already is in feburary. it's gonna be brutal.

yeah, i am going back to bed..

Wed, 19 Feb 2003 18:40:13 GMT

..rawr..

freddy annE woke me up this morning by tickling my nose with her whiskers instead of licking my feet. she's very innovative. i cannot express to you how much i <3 that little guy.. i've given her a new nickname.. fattie.. haha.. 'cause that's what she is.. fat! she has the hugest, yet cutest bell-ay...

i talked to Erik on the phone last night. it was awesome to hear his voice. it's been way too long. he's still as adorable as ever. he's so cheek biting worthy, too.. and it's been a long time since i've felt the urge to bite anyones cheeks. if everything works out i'm Washington bound in April for a couple of days. God, i really hope it's gonna be warm there.. eep.. but past experiences.. and living there for 20 years tell me it's not going to be.. so fudge..

anyways.. it's like 78 degrees outside.. so i can't be bothered to be in the house much longer.. especially since i just spent nearly 4 hours in class.. it's time to go and lay by the pool..

Tue, 18 Feb 2003 15:46:10 GMT

eep...

i woke up this morning at 6:40 and my first thought was of Erik. i just had to know if he had written me back.. or if he was online.. even though it would be 3:40 at home..
thankfully after messaging him and waiting for a little while he responded.. he indeed was still up.. we talked for a little while.. i'm sure we'll talk later this evening. i'll give him a call.. i have a lot of things i need to figure out with that boy.. but mainly.. they're for myself.. i need to know that he's ok.. that we're ok.. that the e-mail he sent me was not indeed a goodbye..

my skin is still on fire. it's my own damn fault, though. i look like a lobster. i can handle my chest and legs burning.. but my face is worse off than those two combined. i've applied large amounts of aloe, but it doesn't seem to be working. this is what i get for wearing baby oil and laying out for two hours. i'm gonna have to lay out again today.. but this time on my tummy so my back can get some color.. see, i have a huge problem with wanting to lay on my tummy when i lay out.. i detest it.. so my front is usually always darker than my back.. which just looks retarded.. and since my front hurts too much to have any kind of contact with sun today i'm gonna have to work on the el back side-o.. woohah.

my Mom wrote me back about Charlie.. and this is what she had to say..

"He is having surgery this afternoon for his broken leg. I went and got him from the vet in Milton Freewater where I had to take him and took him to Dr. Kress. He will be putting a pin in his ulna or radius I can't remember which bone and then splinting the leg. He will be at least 6 weeks with the pin in and possible a lot longer. He is older so he won't heal very fast. Dutchy is on my lap helping me type. She is getting older and she doesn't get along with the Shitzu's. She gave them such a hard time now they gang up on her and give her a hard time."

at least it's good to know that he's gonna be alright.. and.. and.. my Dutchie oodle doodle doggie!! aww.. she's as old as Charlie is, but she's my doggie.. i can picture her sitting in my Mom's lap helping her type.. i bet she was squirming and trying to lick Mom's face while she was doing it. Dutchy used to chase all the animals out in the field when i'd take her out with me. she's a toy poodle who thinks she's a german shepard. she even used to bark and nip at the heels of the horses. she used to go riding with me too. i'd hold her in my lap while Silky and i were out. she loved riding on the lawn mower with me too.. hehe.. good times.. she's a cute dog..

anyways.. i'm cold..

Mon, 17 Feb 2003 19:16:00 GMT

rawr.

i'm burned. i laid out for a little over two hours. god i love florida sometimes. especially in february...

..and now i'm bored outta my petty little mind..
will someone please entertain me?
i've had a rather shitty day and i need some refuge.
i think i'mma go play with freddy annE..

btw..
this is what my Madre wrote about Charlie..
"I went out to hay the goats and horses and took the dogs with me. (Charlie, Gaby and McKenzie) Charlie got in with the mini horses and must have got struck by one of them. They broke his front leg and he might also have neuralogical injuries. He needs lots of prayers! If he makes it through tonight he has good chances as long as he does not get worse. The vet did all he could. He gave him some pain killer, steroids like they gave Christopher Reeves when he broke his back. He is such a sweet little dog that I am just not ready for him to go. Needless to say I feel guilty even if there isn't anything I could have done differently."

poor little Charlie..

Mon, 17 Feb 2003 15:48:39 GMT

first i get an e-mail from my Mom.. all in all it was good.. except for the part where she said Charlie.. one of our dogs.. got into the pen with the minature horses and got kicked.. which resulted in breaking one of his front legs and some possible neurological damage.. they don't know if he'll make it.. and we've had that dog since i was 10..

then the e-mail from Erik.. which just crushed me.. i don't know how to explain it.. i would do anything for Erik..

so.. fuck school today.. i'm going to go and lay by the pool and burn away these tears..

Mon, 17 Feb 2003 12:34:59 GMT

a picture of my sister Heather and her horse Cowboy.. enjoy..

V-day

Sun, 16 Feb 2003 01:51:25 GMT

alrighty...

beings as yesterday was Valentine's day and all... Forrest and i got spiffed {is that even a word? i suppose it is now...} up and headed on down to I-Drive and basically pulled into the first resturant that wasn't Denny's or Pizza Hut. We had a good hour long wait at the Black Angus Steak House before they could seat us, so we sat at the bar and had a couple of drinks. While we were sitting at the bar Forrest gave me the latest Dixie Chicks cd {which i had mentioned a few days before this that i wanted to get..} and two tulip candles. we finally were seated for dinner and the food was pretty good. mmm.. baby back ribs.. eep..
then we headed over to City Walk where we met up with Josh and a few other people. We walked around for a while and waited for it to be time to go and take our seats. lemme tell you.. even though i honestly know nothing about Marvel Comic books.. Dare Devil was a damn good movie! i didn't expect it to be as sad as it was, though. when the movie was over we headed back over to Forrest and Josh's place.. we had a beer.. and just hung out until like 4 a.m.
even though that's a pretty quick summary of what happened last night you still get the idea..
i had a good time! i laid in bed until nearly 6 this morning listening to my new cd. haha. i'm a dork! i posted pictures from last night in the entry before this one.. so go and look! they're huge.. and i need to crop them.. but i'm too lazy at the moment.
i went and laid out at the pool for an hour or so today. i didn't really get any color, but that's all in due time. it was 80 degrees outside today, what did you expect me to do? hopefully i'll spend a couple more hours out there tomorrow. i recieved an e-mail from my Mom yesterday. she's doing good! it totally made me miss her when i read it. she's going to send me all sorts of soaps and creams that she makes, so i'm excited. i love those sorts of things. but she wanted me to pick a fragrance.. and frankly, i can't! so, maybe that means she'll have to send them all to me..? haha.. riight.. she's going to be in Nashville for a convention the last part of October.. and Orlando is only an 11 hour drive from there.. sooo.. i'mma pray that she'll think it's worth it and come on down and see me. either that or hopefully i can find a cheap flight up there and spend a few days with her. too bad it's not for several months. her and my sister aren't going to make it to the family reunion and since they're the only two people i really wanted to see.. i don't want to go, either. we'll have to make plans to meet up some other time. perhaps a weekend in Seattle. since Walla Walla is boring as hell-o operator...
anyways... hopefully i have plans for spring break.. can we say Californa bound? to see Mary? i think we can!! i'm gonna go search flights here in a moment. i have a month to plan it, so that gives me plenty of time. hopefully the weather is as nice there as it has been here. anyways.. i must go.. and do.. stuff..

btw.. this is an awesome song... i <3 the Dixie Chicks..

"Top of the World"

I wished I was smarter
Wished I was stronger
I wished I loved Jesus
The way the my wife does
I wished it had been easier
Instead of any longer
I wished I could've stood where you would've been proud
But that won't happen now
That won't happen now

There's a whole lot of singing
That's never gonna be heard
Disppearing every day without so much as a word somehow
Think I broke the wings off that little song bird
She's never gonna fly to the top of the world right now
Top of the world

I don't have to answer any of these questions
Don't have no God to teach me no lessons
I come home in the evening
Sit in my chair
One night they called me for supper
But I never got up
I stayed right there in my chair

There's a whole lot of singing that's never gonna be heard
Disappearing everyday without so much as a word somehow
Think I broke the wings off that little song bird
She's never gonna fly to the top of the world right now

I wished I'd a known you
Wished I'd a shown you
All of the things I was on the inside
I'd pretend to be sleeping
When you come in in the morning
To whisper good-bye
Go to work in the rain
I don't know why
Don't know why

'Cause everyone's singing
We just wanna be heard
Disappearing everyday without so much as a word somehow
Wanna grab a hold of that little song bird
Take her for a ride to the top of the world right now

To the top of the world
To the top of the world
To the top of the world
To the top of the world
To the top of the world
To the top of the world
To the top of the world
To the top of the world

Sun, 16 Feb 2003 00:36:29 GMT

pictures from last night.. they're huge, though..

and i'll update more later.. i have things to do..
muwahaha..

oh, and.. dammit.. go and order soaps and lotions from my mom! her webpage is located here.
nothing like a shameless plug, right?

Thu, 13 Feb 2003 12:30:48 GMT

Two days past eighteen
He was waitin' for the bus in his army greens
Sat down in a booth at a café there
Gave his order to the girl with a bow in her hair
He's a little shy so she gave him a smile
So he said would you mind sittin' down for a while
And talkin' to me I'm feelin' a little low
She said I'm off in an hour and I know where we can go

So they went down and they sat on the pier
He said I bet you got a boyfriend but I don't care
I've got no one to send a letter to
Would you mind if I sent one back here to you?

I cried
Never gonna hold the hand of another guy
Too young for him they told her
Waitin' for the love of the travelin' soldier
Our love will never end
Waitin' for the soldier to come back again
Never more to be alone
When the letter says a soldier's coming home

So the letters came
From an army camp
In California then Vietnam
And he told his heart
It might be love
And all of the things he was so scared of
Said when it's gettin kinda tough over here
I think about that day sittin' down at the pier
And close my eyes and see your pretty smile
Now don't worry but I won't be able to write for a while

I cried
Never gonna hold the hand of another guy
Too young for him they told her
Waitin' for the love of the travelin' soldier
Our love will never end
Waitin' for the soldier to come back again
Never more to be alone
When the letter says a soldier's coming home

One Friday night at a football game
The Lord's Prayer said and the anthem sang
A man said folks would you bow your heads
For the list of local Vietnam dead
Cryin' all alone under the stands
Was the piccolo player in the marching band
And one name read and no one really cared
But a pretty little girl with a bow in her hair

I cried
Never gonna hold the hand of another guy
Too young for him they told her
Waitin' for the love of the travelin' soldier
Our love will never end
Waitin' for the soldier to come back again
Never more to be alone
When the letter says a soldier's coming home

hmm..
i love that song.. and i'm not quite sure why..
moving on..
rawr.. freddy annE woke me up at 7 by licking my feet. i suppose that's the one major down fall of allowing her to sleep under the covers with me. oh, well.. i forgive her.. but just this once. heh..
last night Forrest and i went to free beer night at the burrito place in Winter Park Village. woo-hoo for free alcoholic beverages! then we went back to his place and watched Vin Diesel and his air brushed tattoo's destroy lots-o-stuff in triple X.
i'm freakin' exhausted.. so i'm going back to bed.. yay..

Sun, 09 Feb 2003 08:16:31 GMT

omg.. omg..

i honestly need to stop drinking!
who ever thought that drinking something that gives you the spins and makes you throw up would be a wonderful way to spend a saturday night has got to be fucking retarded...! but sadly.. i know i have more drunken retarded nights ahead of me.. and that is all i have to say on that subject..

anyways.. i went over to Forrest's & Josh's place and we watched we were soldiers and van wilder while we drank.. and i dunno if i'm ever gonna be able to drink malibu again. yes, it's a girly drink.. but by god, i'mma girl and it made me retarded.. so neh. but they were good movies and i had a good time.. but for some reason i had it set in my mind that i wanted to go to sleep when i got home, but i haven't made it that far. i'm not sure why.. i think i'm scared that i may throw up again if i lay down, so sitting up in front of the computer seems to be the safest thing for me at the moment.

i keep looking down at my left wrist and seeing the copper and silver bracelet that my father gave me. it's almost like i have some odd fixation to just stare at it.
the day that my dad gave it to me he bent it around my wrist. a little over a year later i took it off for Ryan. he said something about how it'd always dig into him while we were sleeping and i wanted to be accommodating, so i took it off and put it away.. and then a little over a year after that for some odd reason i was going through my jewelry box and happened upon it and decided to put it back on. not because it's really a flattering piece, but because i missed what it meant to me. but sadly, i'm not strong enough to actually bend it around my anorexic like wrists enough for it to stay on, so guess who i asked to do it for me..? that's right.. him.. tanner.. and that's where it's been since. but instead of reminding me of my father and the fact that he thought i would adore it..{which i do.. it's probably one of the nicest sentiments my father has ever given me..} it reminds me of tanner and the fact that he's the one that put it on my wrist. i sleep with it.. i shower with it on.. it's there.. 24-7.. and it's rather strange that for the first time since he put it on my wrist and since we broke up that i've actually viewed it that way..
besides.. i'm wearing his sweat shirt to bed tonight.. the one i need to give back to him, but have never really wanted to.. he doesn't even like abercrombie and fitch anyways..

rawr.. what a sour note to end this with..
i think my paper journal is calling my name..
sorry folks, but there are parts of me that you will never be able to read..
besides, who wants to be transparent?

Sat, 08 Feb 2003 10:08:48 GMT

alrighty, then...

my head hurts and i'm rather tired, so i'm gonna make this as brief as possible...

this evening.. or rather last evening beings as it's after 5 a.m. i went with John to see the recruit. good movie! it also made me realize just how hot colin farrell{sp} really is. mmmmmmmmmmmmm. then we hopped on over to the Ale House and met up with three of John's friends. we then proceeded to drink a bazillion and one pitchers of beer. yes, i drank beer.. and a lot of it. oi vey.. beer.. it's the devil.. but i'm getting to the point where i can actually drink it again. amazing.. {though it still tastes like total ass... but there comes a point when you realize that you just can't drink beer for the taste. you drink it for the 5% of alcohol it has per serving.. or maybe that's just me..?}

then John and i came back to my place and hung out for a couple of hours.. we talked and what not.. actually.. i probably mumbled a lot and made no sense.. but it's all gravy.. i was getting pretty girly and talkative by the time last call was announced at the Ale House, so i can only imagine the non-sense i was going on and on about.

i'm going to bed now.. and i won't wake up until the p.m. hopefully i won't have any fucked up dreams like i have been lately..

Sun, 02 Feb 2003 01:32:03 GMT

so.. i woke up this morning to hear the terrible news about the shuttle Columbia on the radio..
and then i fell back asleep and had a dream that i was on the space shuttle.. but we survived.. it was a crazy dream i tell you..
the power of suggestion i suppose.

Thu, 30 Jan 2003 15:49:25 GMT

alrighty...

the superbowl.. was.. awesome. that was probably one of the best football games i've seen in a long time. i'm so glad that tampa bay won. i was going for them anyways. and no, not because i live in florida.. but because i think they have nicer colors than the raiders do. so neh. that's my grand theory on it all. nicer colors = superbowl win.

i feel like absloute shit. i still don't know what my problem is. i haven't gotten a good nights sleep in ages. i feel like a walking zombie.

i donated blood at school yesterday. for some odd reason my vein would be pumping out just fine and then it'd slow down. so they had to keep fucking with the needle in my arm to make sure it was going as fast as it could.. it didn't hurt when they messed with it.. but i laid on that seat with a needle in my arm for 20 minutes. there were like 5 other people that started their donations after i did and they ended up finishing before me. i've donated blood before and i have never in my life taken this long to pump out a freakin' pint. after i finished filling up the pint the lady started to take the 3 vials so they could run tests on my blood.. {you know.. for AIDS and blood typing and what not..} and she got down to the 3rd vial and was filling it up and all of a sudden.. my body literally sucked all the blood back into it. so another lady had to come and fuck with the needle again.. which resulted in the vial being filled a little bit too fast.. but all in all.. it wasn't bad. the guy doctor in there kept saying it was because my arms are so small. but i think he was just giving me a hard time. i never get queasy when i donate. in fact i love watching the doctors stick the needles into other peoples' arms. i think it's cool to watch the expression on people's faces when that huge ass needle is coming at 'em. muwahaha. i'm strange, yo.

rawr.
i thought i had more to say than this..
perhaps another time..

Fri, 24 Jan 2003 02:10:46 GMT

alrighty, then..

i have a killer headache. i've had it since last evening. it was one of the major reasons why i didn't have as much fun out with Amy and Justin as i should of had. the other reason was.. well.. i'd made myself retarded after i had started drinking and then proceeded to drink some more.. so i was feeling pretty woozy and sick and i just wanted to crawl into bed with freddy annE and fall asleep. plus i haven't been able to sleep very well lately. the past few nights i've tossed and turned the night away. which is odd, because normally i sleep like it's my job. i guess i just hate the loneliness of my bed without him.
but Amy, Justin and i did have an adventure last night. it started with us wanting to go to Winter Park Village and drink free beer, but ended with us at the Ale House. on our way to the Village we stopped at ABC liquor to pick up some beer for Justin's friends and then we were going to drop it off at their house and head on out. well.. we sorta got side tracked. we saw Mark and his friend and they needed a ride to Full Sail, so we took them and then headed over to Justin's friend's. while we were there i ran into a couple of people i'd met over at Tanner's house. we proceeded to make ourselves retared..{mind you, i'd had a glass of wine and a beer in the car on the way to the liquor store..} plus i hadn't eaten anything that day and so i was already getting giggly.. then we finally made it to this little hole in the wall bar called PJ's. we all had a drink or so and then ended up at the Ale House where we were making fun of this 45 year old lady who was extremely drunk and hitting on this kid. we thought the kid was older.. since after 11 you have to be 21 to go into the Ale House...but his friend came over to our table and started talking to us and told us that the guy was actually 19 and that he had a fake id from like Virginia or some place.. so that just added fuel to the fire.. they were making out and even took a little trip to the bath room together.. haha.. and then Amy decides that she wants to go and talk to the lady and tell her that she's too old for the kid.. but Amy, bless her heart, can't be mean like that. the first thing outta her mouth when she went up to them was.. "you guys are so adorable!!" it was so funny.. and so classically Amy.. i wish i could of enjoyed the night more, but my head was killing me and i just wanted to go home.. so i was at home and in bed by 12:30. yay..

anyways.. i know i have more to write about, but i also have other things that are calling my name at the moment.. perhaps i'll update more later.. or tomorrow..

Sat, 18 Jan 2003 04:02:32 GMT

so, i'm walking up to Kash 'n' Karry to satisfy my addiction to tobacco and this lady at the bus stop turns around and asks me if i knew what time the bus came by.. and i just shook my head and smiled and said that i did not. then she blurts out.."wow, you're so thin!" "how do you stay that way?" and.. i didn't exactly know what to say to her.. i just laughed and said i didn't know.. then as i was leaving the store i walked past her again and she said to me.. "what are you a size 4?" and all i'm thinking is no... i'm actually a 3.. and i just laughed at her again and said.. "i suppose.. something like that.." and that was probably the most random conversation i have ever had in my life.

Fri, 17 Jan 2003 19:55:32 GMT

i had some extremely strange dreams last night. i'm, very thankful that they were only dreams, though.

for some reason last night i got to thinking about people i dated or people that had crushes on me during high school. Cody came to mind. it was my senior year and i'd gotten a job at Safeway. Cody had gotten a job there as well at about the same time.. and lemme tell you.. he was gorgeous. we started talking at work and what not and then one night i went out to my car and there was a note from him on it containing his phone number. {this story really isn't about Cody, but it all plays in together..} so, we start talking on the phone and what not and i decide to ask him to homecoming. {we both went to different high schools} he accepted and life was grand. Cody knew a lot of the kids that i went to middle school with. i had since left those kids behind for private school. Cody was actually really good friends with a guy named Travis who had made my little existence in 4th grade pure hell. i suppose that's what happens when you're as tiny as a rail and you wear glasses. anyways.. so Cody invites Diane, Aileen, and i to a party at a friend of his house. we head out there that night and Travis is there along with all of these people that i used to go to school with. most of them i hadn't seen in years. needless to say most of them were stunned to see me. it's surprising what a few years and contacts can do to someone. anyways.. Diane and Aileen aren't having a good time, so i let them take my car back to my house where we were all gonna crash for the night and i'd just get a ride with Cody. well.. Cody had brought Travis with him, so he couldn't very well leave him behind, either. so, Cody, Travis and i head back to my place. we get there and Diane and Aileen were making something to eat and we all decide to play strip poker.. which i suck at.. but that is a totally different story.. everyone ends up spending the night. in separate beds i might add. the next morning after Cody and Travis left i realize that Travis had left his wallet. so, i call Cody to see if he can give me Travis' number so i can call him and he can come and grab his wallet. well.. while i'm on the phone with Cody {mind you.. i'm totally infatuated with Cody at this point..} he asks me what i think of Travis. i really don't remember my reply, but it wasn't something i was enthusiastic about. Cody proceeded to tell me that Travis thought i was hot and wanted to get to know me better. i pretty much shut the boy down right there. i couldn't help but think of how ironic the situation was. this kid who had made my life unpleasant when i was younger now was being rejected by me. in my own way.. that's my sorta revenge.
anyways.. Cody and i didn't end up going to homecoming together.. his parents had found out that he spent the night at my house that night and wouldn't let him go. so i went with Jesse.. and that really is a different story..

i woke up with a sore throat today. woohah. i really don't want to get sick.
i don't have school on monday. yay for holidays! now i have a 3 and a half day weekend that started about 52 minutes ago.
..and i feel like i need to sneeze..

he was in my dreams last night. then again.. he usually always is in them. in some shape or form. that would be one of the main reasons why i'm so thankful they are just dreams.